Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Keep it UP!

Before you think our joint venture of writing this blog is all but over, no not yet!Just that I was pretty busy with personal stuff and Ranjit has all but given up and finally accepted that my marketing of the blog is pretty essential to take this forward and thus we have agreed upon a 70:30 partnership with me Vishal taking the larger pie, of-course.

So whats up for today? Report cards! Can never forget 2'nd May. This date haunted us for many years. To be honest, the eve of 1'st of May was usually a non-sleepy affair. I always prayed to god and muttered "Deva saglancha bhala kar..Majha pasun survat kar" (God bless one and all, though don't forget to start with me). Not that i was that bad a student and worried about losing a year or something but I guess the tag of "Can do Better" was more frightful than the "Passes and Promoted" remark. The beauty about "Passes and Promoted" was that at-least it did not invoke any false hope among the anxious parents. "Can do better" was always a questionable question. My parents were pretty upset with me about this whole "better" thing. They never understood the meaning of it and their rightfulness about asking "when will this happen " was never justified by me either. No one including the teachers would predict that, neither did they have any action plan .So the long story short, my report card consistently and shamelessly threw "Can do better" with no answers to when and how. It was like a do-while loop (programmers would know this) which never ended. And yeah, Ranjit's wasn't extraordinary either (that soothed me more than anything). But he had a better mugging capability which meant he digested the Geometric theorm's and proofs by heart and had a marginally better card than me. I am pretty sure he even by-hearted the essays, autobiographies , reference by context's and much more. Kudos!

My understanding of the two remarks was good, but I couldn't understand the meaning of "Keep it up!" which only a elite few managed. I failed to imagine why a scholar was asked to keep his report-card upstairs. I even went to the extent of keeping mine 'up' on my home shelf only to realize that it yeilded nothing but a few angry words for not keeping things in place from my parents. It was not until I reached puberty and someone told me the real meaning was to keep the performance up and not the report-card. Ah!, that was a some real relief. Of course, I never managed to get anywhere near to the elite group but once I did crawl the top ten list. I had tear in my one eye that day. The other was still in disbelief!

Thursday, September 17, 2009


                                 STATUTORY WARNING..........
 This post  has no resemblance to any person living or dead.Please do not follow or imitate what is being mentioned here.The outcomes may be hazardous and the author should not be held responsible for it....

For some reason my interactions with Goverment officials have never been forthcoming.It may be quite possible that the fault lies at my end since I am always mentally prepared to start an altercation with them at the slightest chance.My experience with these guys over the years  have brought  me to the conclusion that they have some unique qualities in them which can irritate even the most peace loving person on earth.......

So you have decided  today you are going to a Goverment office for some unfortunate work.I would like to call it unfortunate since it is mandatory that  your  peace and harmony in life is going  for a toss.As per the IST of govt offices when the sun is over your head you land up  at the office well dressed with some apprehensive thoughts at the remote corner of your mind about the outcome of the event though you still like to be optimistic.Assuming you are going to the office for the first time the first task at your hand is to ensure you are at the correct department and dealing with the correct person.Not easy since  government offices mostly resemble an alien planet where nobody is even bothered about your existence.

Considering that you are the biggest believer of optimism you manage to overcome all the hurdles not cursing the system even once and finally land up at the concerned persons office.Now as per the protocol the person is yet to come  so you manage a seat next to the office and see some helpless faces who have already occupied the seat.Due to your friendly nature you wish them and  they respond half heartedly.

Possible cause for this lack of interest being its your first day and these people are already a  part of the viscous cycle

"Udya ya!" Parva Ya""Saha mahinya nantar ya"

So after some anxious moments where you are fluctuating between pessimism and optimism the gentleman finally arrives.Optimism wins the  battle this time and you are pumped up.The officer gets in and immediately calls the office boy.Office boy has a flask in his hand and rushes as if there is an emergency.Nothing to worry the guy is not sufferring fom an heart attack  its "TEA TIME"

With the recreations over the officer is ready for the day and your half day is over.So finally your turn comes and you are surprised the way he cleared the queue.You are very sure about  his effeciency and get in to the the cabin.You present the matter to him and the guy listens to you with keen interest and finally  you end your power point presentation. By this time the guy has already loaded the template in his mind and shoots at you "Saheb"! ek kaam kara tumhi udya ya!

Kudos to you! You are now a  part of the VISCOUS CYCLE.........

Some tips which may prove effective while dealing with government work

1>Take a few days leave in advance.

2>Put off all your egos.

3>Do not look for any logic and go with the flow.

4>Ensure that you have some anti-depressants ready at your disposal.

5>Start your work on an auspicious day since divine intervention can only save the day for you.


Sunday, September 13, 2009

Serial Killers...

No, this is not a biography of any serial killer, but a few thoughts on soaps as they are called in the television industry. Soaps are like cancer. They kill you slowly but surely. Though they wont hurt you physically but they murder your mentality for sure. And thats why, the title sits there comfortably.

Hey, I am not going you to bore you like Ranjit's posts. So stay tuned yet. To write this I should have been an avid watcher of the serials in the first place .But offlate, I have realised that you dont have to be any of these. Even if you are a part of the never-ending serials at a frequency of say once very 2 months, you can easily get connected to the story and it's characters, like you are a part of their daily household cores. Not to forget the sub-consious mind picks up even when you are not attentive. Thats the best and the only part, I like about serials.

I being a Maharastrian Marathi-Manus (remember the Puran-Poli from the URL ?), the prime time forceful watch on the idiot box is usually a nerve wracking affair. It starts with a soap called "Kalat,Nakalat" which if translated literally would sound like "Known,Unknown". Holy "unknown" heavens! the protagonist is at the never ending woes in life. One tragedy after other and yet this lady is all decked-up happily in a designer wear with a baby like smile to charm the viewers. It is hard to understand how after a being a widow, she falls in love, not once but twice, with a company of a cruel mother-in-law and an unfaithful handsome husband, a tragic murder of her mother, a failed marriage of her real sister who battles for her stolen baby and non-stop on-off current relationship(s), a drug addicted brother(phew! and wait there is much much more) .How can somebody have such a tragic life really defies logic. Its hard to understand the intention behind the plots. Are they promoting the steely desire of the young lady, or are the plots of the villains that are to be promoted?

And then there "was" (thank-god) a serial called Asambhav which means "impossible". Like its title, it is near impossible to understand, the black magic powers of Sopan Kaka and the fleet. Not a ounce of common sense and yet the popularity and the TRP of "asambhav" was impossibly amazing. Educated-Uneducated,Literate-Illieterate, Young-Old, all watched this with equal fanfare. And then the newer ones are neither inspiring. Atleast, the older ones would start with a happiness, tragic in-betweens and a decent ending, the newer one called "Anubandh" started off with a tragedy and it seems and I bet, there wont be a happy moment in the fictious cursed family. A sensitive subject like surrogacy is handled so animatedly that the real surrogate mothers would go in grief forever watching this. Not sure who the real audience is for the subject. Both the soaps are produced none other than the talented Pallavi Joshi who anchors a musical show with lots of elegance and yet when it comes to production, she choose something so silly. Nevertheless, those are still ok, but there is another one called "Kunku" whose title song and promos gives the feeling the adolosent lady is born for only one reason, "marriage". I havent dared watch it yet and I am sure I wont indulge in it either.The only soothing part about all these is the title tracks are fantastic and you can easily end up humming with a lot of sincerity.

Friday, September 11, 2009


I would be lying if I dont admit that more than the time spent in school I enjoyed the journey to and back from it.

On a typical school day the journey would begin with me on my cycle.A unique thing about this cycle was that the height of the cycle was inversely proportional to my height.In a socially accepted position of driving the cycle I would struggle to place my toes on ground and so I would be literally flying on it.Now when this big cycle was given to me I was made to believe that since you are of a growing age this cycle would better suit the needs in the long run or else we may need to by a new one later.The anticipation may be correct but nobody incuding me knew my height would never increase beyond 5 "3"

So as per the human tendency I found out ways to overcome this issue."SWAPPING POSITIONS" was the answer to it.No this was no rocket science it was based on a simple principle I would look a few metres ahead on the road and if the road was empty I would place myself on the seat and the moment when some vehicle came in the front or I felt low up there I would just lean forward to a position where I am neither standing nor sitting and I am sure everybody remembers that amateur position of drving the cycle................

Now me and my cycle after a couple of position swaps reach Vishal's house.How can I even dare to think of going directly to the School without fulfilling the obligations of friendship.Things are not easy as it may seem.Here I am all dressed up ready for the school outside my dear friends house shouting "Vishal Vishal" but this dude never turned up during the initial calls and when I used to feel a bit confused about the definition of friendship he woud suddenly rush out of the blue on to his balcony in his home attire as if no such thing as "SCHOOL" existed on earth and say confidently "Aaya re malla"

I would sulk to the core and put up the bravest smile on earth.Finally this gentleman would come fresh and energetic ready for school and by this time I would be drained and worn out ready to go back home.So we both now as a team with a lot of cold war within would go to other members of the group and finally we would all collectively head towards school ensuring that we completely blocked the road on the way and the person behind had an awful time overtaking us..............

You guessed it right by the time we reached school we would be late for the assembly by a huge margin and would rush to the stand in the "LATE COMERS LINE" The ordeals we faced there would qualify for a new post......................................

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Satish the intelligent dud(e)

Back to original ways! San Satish is another dear and a common friend of ours. A straight forward guy with a no non-sense approach in life, his surname is more complicated than his nature. He is among the few guys who emante positive energy and usually after a chat with Satty means you are refreshed positively (with Ranjit its the opposite). Currently on an assignment in Japan, he is dying to get back to his motherland, if the
countdown on the social networking site is to be believed. Proactiveness comes naturally to him, and he always buzzes with new ideas and worms (kidas). An avid back bencher, he still was attentive and had the guts to answer questions asked by our scary teachers (read the Teachers article). We wasted (or was it investement?) a lot time during our junior college days playing amatuer rugby (with a coconut shell), cricket, aba dhobi and what not. By doing that we often struggled with our marksheets and this guy would come to us with a cunning smile and an excellent score card, leaving us with confused thoughts about his brillaince. He was the leader of the pack and we were often the side heroes dancing in the background (ranjit danced in the second last row and was rarely seen or recognised). We celebrated new year eves a couple of times but one of them is etched in our memory forever. After some great food and some drinks (read coke), we decided to spend rest of the time in a small park discussing new year resolutions. It was a chilling night below 0 degrees. I guess we excused Satty for a hour or so. I only had the dreadful company of Ranjit. We kept dicussing everything on earth on how to become a millionaire, how to excercise this year(both pysical and mental) , how to participate in social events (Ranjit was a die hard fan of Paris Hilton then) little realising that neither of us were interested in the talks and kept encouraging each other by muttering Barobar ahe Barobar ahe just to keep the midnight oil burning...later realising after a couple of hours that Satty was not joining the party. I suffered from flu like symptoms the next day from the coldest sleepless night of my life and all my new years resolutions went for a toss from the very next day. I did not ask Ranjit about his either, as I was confident about it. What a way to start a new year! All thanks to Satty...

Friday, September 4, 2009

What Went Wrong ??????

No ! I am not discussing my career .Ever since I have given up hope I feel much better in that area.I am introspecting my big time failure to click amongst the opp sex in school..I can go one step ahead and confidently say “WE” here since my dear friend Vishal equally struggled with me and there was a healthy competition amongst us as to who would be the better struggler……..

“First impression is the last impression” I had serious doubts about this phrase after seeing the dismal failure of Vishal who without any second thoughts and you would all unanimously agree is the better looker.I had some genuine reasons to be a failure in this area so no complains but looking at Vishal I wondered how this better looking gentleman could also fail……….

So looks apart we move on to the other areas which were possible reasons for my poor show.Some of the few which are prominent and cannot be ignored are

1>Never been Flamboyant( elocution competition main part lena, )

2>Never been in the good books of teachers.

3>Never became the Monitor of the class (It’s a seriously competitive post with lot of corruption) Forget becoming a Prefect (Can be defined as gentleman for whome everything is supposedly a cake walk)

4>Been part of a eccentric group where each one was in neck throat competition to prove who was the naughtiest amongst all

5>To a major extent my dressing style I was not very sure till the end of the battle as to which combo would look great.

6>My hair style was the biggest failures of all and I was even addressed once by a respectable sir as “GUFFA” not his fault since my style surely resembled an endless tunnel ahead…………………

You would say if someone can so precisely detail the causes of the failure why wouldn’t he try to get things corrected in the first place but our forefathers rightly said “Har cheez ka ek time hota hain”

The ball is no longer in our court today.Vishal has officially accepted the lost battle status and is happily married.Offlate even I cannot boast of any major tunround and have convinced myself the battle is lost and am heading towards getting it official……………….

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Teachers Day Out...

With Sept 5 approaching, I thought of paying tribute to our teachers who shaped many people lives (I am in a state of doubt, since I am not sure if my life is indeed shaped up). Nevertheless, with Teachers day nearing, I thought of highlighting my encounters with teachers which may not sound exactly like a tribute, but I prefer seeing it in a lighter vein. I grew up with a lot of fear (fear is a understatement) about these people. My
understanding about teachers was pretty much screwed up. I thought teachers were aliens who lived in schools and their only aim in life is to hit students with chalk, put dusters in throat (sorry Satish :) ) and ask them scary questions (I was about 5 then). To add to the agony I was among the least preferred student. Nobody ever remembered my name. But life moved on. I was happy to be a underdog and be a below average performer with equally below average looks.

To be frank, we had some really good teachers ( I am going to refrain taking names here) but the supposedly bad ones outnumbered them by quiet a amount. I remember we had a Hindi teacher who treated students like animals. His way of addressing students would put our status of human-being to serious doubts. He would start with "Ghodey, Janwar" (horse, animals ) and end was a hit on the back with a horse like shout from the student (kinchalney). He was a strict disciplinarian and never tolerated un-tideness.

There was this Physical Training (PT )and Marathi language teacher. He had license to bash up the guys. Girls were luckier. They would get free entertainment with this. He was given the task to make people dance to his tune before the assembly prayers (school Savadhan, Vishram, Savdhan...........) and if by any chance he would spot any one not following routine, it was game for the poor student. He had the unique ability to spot people no matter where they stood in the huge assembly gathering. I always had chill down my spine since he would sometimes address people suffering from Myopia with, "Hey you spectacle boy!" and I would be the first person to start shivering only to realize later that there were millions of other "spectacular" guys. Once after lunch time, I had mouth freshener (avala supari) and entered the class where this dreadful teacher was teaching. When he looked at me, i gulped down the stony freshener only to realize it was too late. Boy I will never forget the humiliation I faced thereafter and the after effects of gulping the stone are beyond words.Till date, I never buy that mouth-freshener and when ever some one offers me I manage to stammer, to refuse it.

And there was this Art teacher. He drew sketches live in the class and to be honest, those were mind blowing. We had some good students as well. But poor me, I barely managed to draw. Once the subject given to us was "Diwali Night" With lots of effort, I managed to draw a typical house, with a typical mountain and sun (oops moon) in between. I also drew a girl holding a fulbagi (some fire cracker), However, while painting, I messed up with her eye. It turned black. The only option I had was to draw a new picture as it was pretty ugly. However, my creative instincts told me to turn her eye to  Ray-ban sunglasses, so that the mess could be covered up. I did exactly that and with greats guts and pride, I went to get it certified from the teacher. To my horror, he made a mockery of my painting , showed it to the entire class who laughed even more  hysterically. What a disaster! Diwali's for me now are stressful. I have "Diwalophobia" now and you can rarely see me in sunglasses. I wished I had a art teaher like Aamir khan. But, that horrible day I was dancing alone on BumBum boley.

Hope you enjoyed .There are a lot more teachers and lot more funny instances. Hopefully I will continue this  in Part2. Till then Vishal says goodbye, have a great day! Cheers!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Blog for an environment cause

Question: How would a blog turn the earth greener?

Answer: Every time you hit the green underlines (advertisement), which are so prominently seen in the blog, 10% of the income earned from clicking the advertisements would go to make this earth greener. We plan to plant trees once every year. So go ahead and feel free to click and in turn make this earth a better place to live.

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